The End, A Child Lost

When I went into the court room that day, when I was told what I could expect at the most the court would order, I pretty much knew the decision I was going to have to take.

Did I want to pay a Barrister several thousand pounds to put Sarah on a stand and tear all her lies and vindictiveness apart? Yes – but I’d be doing something for pure satisfaction, Sonny wasn’t going to come back.

Maybe if I’d had the opportunity to put Margaret King on the stand that might have swayed me to do it, but she remained in the shadows, weaving her spite.

On the drive back I mulled it over, I knew I’d lost Sonny – for how long I didn’t know, but I knew that the things he had said in the reports with the Dr’s and with Sarah & Margaret scheming, there was too much stacked against me and Sonny’s paternal family.

So after a lot of consideration I decided to withdraw my legal proceedings in what was to be my last legal attempt at seeing Sonny.

It was sometime in early 2003 that Sarah called me at around 5:30pm to tell me over the phone she was pregnant but it had took her and Margaret over 10 years to knock the hope out of us.

They thought in the early days the threats of us not seeing Sonny would have forced me back to Sarah, it didn’t work.

Then the complete parental alienation after he was born where we were completely impeded from seeing Sonny, resulting in my first court application to force Sarah to lift the obstruction, didn’t work.

Nothing that they did would have ever stopped me fighting for Sonny. It wasn’t until they started to effect him mentally that I said enough was enough.

Parental Alienation takes Dads into places where in the end they have to make a decision, for their own welfare as well as their kids. If at any point Sonny had shown me a glimmer that he wanted to see me I’d have thrown everything I had at the court system to fight Sarah & Margaret.

The problem was, he didn’t and Sarah had shown that she was more than willing to subject Sonny to endless medical scrutiny, so I had no other options other than to curtail the proceedings.

So after speaking with Sonny’s paternal family, we all decided that enough was enough – if Sonny wanted to see us then maybe we have to leave it to him to decide when that was.

Having consulted with my solicitor I told him what I’d decided, he understood – he thought it was a tragedy. By now he knew me, he knew I was a good person, a good Dad, he knew how hard I’d fought for Sonny in the court system previously and he’d seen first hard in my second set of proceedings what I was up against.

I had a concern though, I was concerned that me simply withdrawing the proceedings at a court hearing and handing what Sarah & Margaret would have seen as a victory, robbing Sonny from his paternal family, I wanted it making absolutely crystal clear to the Judge and anyone else at the hearing, of my reasons.

I wrote a letter to the court that was submitted to the Judge, though if I recall neither parties attended on the day. This was the letter that was submitted by my council –

“We represent the Applicant Father, in relation to the above-named case.

We write in advance of the Review Hearing listed before the Chesterfield Family Court on 21st October 2016, and would be grateful if this letter would be placed before a District Judge either on or before the 21st October 2016 for the Court’s kind consideration.

In advance of the forthcoming Review Hearing the Applicant has had the opportunity of carefully considering the Wishes and Feelings report of Ms Jacqui Knott, the Children’s Guardian. The Applicant would wish to make the court aware that there is a great deal of inaccuracy in regards to the comments made by Sonny to the Guardian.

However, after very careful consideration and reflection we write to inform the Court the Applicant seeks permission to withdraw his application.

The Applicant wishes to make the Court aware that he is devastated by the recommendations within the Guardian’s Report.

The Applicant asks that this letter be read in consideration of his application to seek permission to withdraw, in order for him to make clear to the court his position for the record.

The Applicant would say that this matter has greatly affected him and the wider paternal family who are extremely upset and disappointed that it is recommended that these proceedings now conclude on the basis of Sonny having no direct relationship with his father, and consequently any of his paternal family.

The Applicant would say that the wider Paternal family have expressed concern that this will result in a longer period of separation, and that the child may never reconcile with his grandparents and wider paternal family in the future.

The Applicant is particularly concerned that Sonny doesn’t yet have the cognitive ability and maturity of understanding to make decisions that have such profound and long lasting implications.

Consequently, the Applicant is concerned that the reflections and guidance in this case have been made based on the child’s current mind set as oppose to the longer term implications for Sonny’s welfare.

The Applicant would wish for all parties and the Court to be made fully aware that his seeking to withdraw his application is by no means a reflection of the love that he has for Sonny and he would not wish for Sonny to feel that he had walked away from him.

The Applicant would also wish for the Court to be aware that whilst evidence has not been established of the Respondent in any way displaying obstructive behaviour, it is still very much the Applicant’s opinion that the Respondent has failed to play a proactive part in reaching a positive resolution for their child. The Applicant would say that he has experienced disruption to his contact by the Respondent on many occasions, as well as previous threats that the child’s contact with him and the paternal family would be stopped.

Therefore, whilst the Applicant accepts the Guardian’s views based on her contact with Sonny and the Respondent during these proceedings, it remains the Applicant’s view that based on two Court applications and several years of what he considers to be isolation from the child, that the Respondent has not acted in the best interest of the child irrespective of his attempts to resolve matters.

The Applicant further wishes to make the court aware that in his view an opportunity was missed for open engagement with the paternal family by the various professionals engaged with the child’s welfare in this case. The Applicant considers this would have enabled a better understanding of the child’s previous life with the paternal family.

The Applicant also wishes to express concern and disappointment at the level of negative feedback that has been documented in the reports as stated by the child, without the parties involved being able to counter that with relevant examples of the quality of previous contact.

Finally, the Applicant would wish for it to be placed on record for the court to acknowledge that there was never an ‘incident’ on 2nd August 2013 in Manchester that led to contact braking down, as has been submitted on the Respondents behalf at court during these proceedings.

The Applicant would wish to say that on this day he vividly recalls the child taking a phone call from the Respondent and within 20 minutes requested that he be taken home without giving reason. The Applicant would say that the Respondent assured him she would call within 24 hours to discuss the matter but this phone call never took place.

In all of the circumstances, the Applicant does not feel able to attend at the forthcoming Review Hearing, and nor does he instruct his representatives to attend on his behalf.

He asks that this letter be placed before the Learned Judge for consideration of his permission to withdraw the Application.

If the Court, having considered the Guardian’s Report and other papers filed thus far, were to find that it would not be in the child’s best interest to grant the Applicant permission to withdraw then the Applicant would of course engage with the continuation of these proceedings.

It is anticipated that in light of this correspondence other parties to proceedings may also seek to be excused from the forthcoming hearing.

The Applicant does not mean discourtesy or disrespect to the Court by not wishing to attend at the forthcoming hearing but he is extremely emotionally drained as a result of these second set of long running private law proceedings.

The Court is therefore respectfully requested to treat this letter as submission on behalf of the Applicant when considering matters at the forthcoming Review Hearing.

We are grateful for the Court’s time in considering the content of this letter, a copy of which has been sent to those representing the Respondent Mother and those representing the child.

Yours faithfully”

And that was the end of my final attempt to force Sarah to allow me to see Sonny.

I’m not going to lie, there was a part of me that hoped the Judge was going to say – “No, I am not accepting this withdrawal, we need to get to the bottom of what is happening here, this son needs his Dad and his family”.

He didn’t though, why would he I suppose, there are thousands of Dad’s across the country suffering the same type of parental alienation that I suffered – it’s a money making gravy train, the Judge more than likely read the letter, filed it and shouted “next”.

After the hearing that was due on the 21/10/2016 I sent Sonny a message, he read it but never responded, this was the message –

“Hi Sonny,

You'll be aware now that due to the ongoing difficulties of positive progression in the court process I closed off the proceedings as I understand this is what you wanted and those were your wishes.

It's been a long hard battle over the years with your Mum and Nanny to ensure you were in our life and we were in yours but against all the odds and obstruction I managed for a few years to make sure we were able to spend time together.

We have many happy memories of those times and I know you do as well x

A parent and child's love and life together should never be jeopardised but your Mum and Nanny see it otherwise. As a family we would never have done what they have but that's the difference between your families and one day you will realise, if you want too.

What's happened is very sad, to not be with you is our worst nightmare but I did as much as I could and I know that one day when you understand what's happened you will be proud of how hard I fought for you.

As you wish, I will leave you alone, we all will as that is clearly what you have asked for but I am always here for you and so is Grandad Ray, Nana, Auntie Jo and Mia.

It you want us to stay in touch or send you Birthday and Christmas Cards you need to let me know now as we don't want to do anything that you don't want us to do x

We all miss you very much and talk about you every day. It's funny, Mia always plays with your pictures, like she knows who you are and that you’re her cousin.

I will always have this number and the same email address so if you ever need me or want to chat with anyone else let me know. 

Look after yourself Champ, grow up strong, enjoy life, work hard, train hard, study hard, and don't let anytime ever push you around, remember how me and Grandad Ray taught you x

You're the best son I could have ever wished for, I miss you every day and think about you every minute and I know that one day we will be happy again, all my love Dad x x x

I sent that message just over 9 years ago and I haven't heard a single word from Sonny since.

What parental alienation does is it’s rots the mind, did Sarah & Margaret really realise the amount of terminal damage they were going be culpable for when they started their hate campaign in 2003? I don't know buy I'm certain that in respect of Margaret that was what she set out to achieve.

I don’t know. They themselves were a troubled family, Margaret was bitter and filled with resentment due to how Simon had turned out. Sarah was emotionally unstable and was desperate for her own family. Ken always seemed to be relatively easy going, and whilst he did threaten me once over the phone that I would never see Sonny I honestly don’t think he'd agreed with what Sarah & Margaret did, he just went along with it.

Sonny turned 21 in September a landmark birthday that none of his paternal family were involved in. He’s now gone 9 years without contacting me or any of his paternal l family. He must really, really hate us.

There is no other explanation why a kid, who was only ever treated like a Prince, can continue this alienation.

There is no other explanation; he must have deep rooted hatred for us.

We will never understand that – Like I have said previously, what happened to me starting back in 2003, what happened to my Uncle back in the 60’s/70’s could easily happen to him in 2025 or beyond.

I hope it never does but maybe it’ll take an extreme and traumatic situation for Sonny to experience and realise what truly happened between me and hid Mum.

It doesn’t need to be that way, it never did and it never does – as long as we are here, we’ll be here for Sonny x

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