The No Look Pass

When Sarah became pregnant and then what began to unfold over the next few months was a difficult time. My family was under immense pressure from Margaret to force me to stay in a relationship with Sarah with constant daily calls telling them what they should forcing me to do.

Obviously this was never going to work, Margaret got it wrong and completely misunderstood the type of family we are but that being said, she did cause more problems.

My parents really tried to resolve things sensibly. We spoke for hours and days about why I could no longer be in a relationship with Sarah, and what I expected to happen in terms of parental alienation as soon as Sonny was born.

They really couldn’t understand my foresight, they'd become very close to Sarah – she had basically lived at their house every weekend over the 2 and a half years we were together. They liked her, and my Mum in particular was very close to her. They were close to each other. I actually remember one day when she said to me Margaret was getting jealous because of how close they were.

I didn’t have a problem with them being close and could understand why my Mum was upset that things weren’t working out for us. The fact is she couldn’t comprehend what I was saying that Sarah was capable of doing based on how I knew her, she just didn’t believe she would use Sonny as a weapon against me, and she definitely didn’t believe she would experience grandparental alienation by Sarah, she just didn’t believe she would do that to her.

During the pregnancy, certainly in the early stages Sarah said to me that no matter what happens between us she still wants my family involved with Sonny.

She also told me that she’d actually told this to my Mum, that she didn’t want to impact their relationship as grandparents. I knew she wouldn't be able to honour those statements, I just knew that when Sarah see’s red it's like dynamite in a pressure cooker.

After Sonny was born within a matter of months Sarah installed contact arrangements, pre any court applications that I made. She made it clear that I wouldn't be able to take Sonny to Manchester and if I wanted to see him I'd have to travel to her house.

Like on many occasions, I bit my tongue. I knew what she was doing was wrong but she had the power now, and she wielded it. So, as I always did when it came to Sonny, I agreed to her rules.

On a good day, driving from Manchester to Sheffield in the area that Sarah lived took about 1 hour and 30 minutes, on a good day. On a bad one, assuming that all routes are actually open, can be anywhere upto 4 hours.

I had 3 ways to get to where she lived, over the Snake Pass, over Woodhead Pass or via the M62 which was the really long way round – which route I took depended on the weather conditions or traffic diversions but I did them all on a regular basis.

On this particular occasion, it was a Saturday afternoon and I was heading over to Sheffield to see Sonny with my Mum. It was a cold December day and their was smatterings of snow. The main problem with the journey over to Sheffield was the traffic. It nearly always caused a serious issue for me when trying to get there as when the Snake Pass was closed you would never actually knew until you got the entrance of the pass. When this happened it immediately put an extra hour on the journey. I would then have to turn back and go via one of the longer alternative routes, assuming they were open as well.

On this day, this happened – whilst the weather was cold I’d driven in worse but when I got the the Snake Pass it was closed. I was stuck, we wanted to see Sonny so we turned back to go via the Woodhead Pass, as we were approaching the Woodhead Pass we saw signs to say that was closed as well. This was a problem now, our only option was to go right via the M62, this is a really long way round and was going to put hrs on our previuos arrival time.

I called Sarah to let he now, she wasn’t happy – I think she thought I was lying but I never lied to Sarah. I knew that this was now going to be a problem when we eventually got there.

After a very long drive we eventually arrived. It’d taken us over three hours to get there after what was a nightmare of a drive. We knocked on the door and Sarah answered, she was holding Sonny. We both entered her house and in less than 5 seconds Sarah started to erupt. I could see that she was boiled up and she was about to let loose.

5,4,3,2,1 – Off she went, absolutely raging that I was late. I explained to her how difficult it had been to get here and that I’d already contacted her about it.

Next, I remember this like yesterday – it reminded me of the ‘no look pass’ from a Rugby player. She basically threw Sonny via a no look pass to my Mum who was stood there astounded at what she was witnessing.

‘Don’t think you can just turn up here when you want, Sonny has been waiting to see you all day”. I was like, “Sarah, what is wrong with you, I told you I was having problems getting here".

“I don’t care, you’re not seeing him if you’re gonna be late" - This was it, this was where she really showed her intentions to my Mum for the first time. My Mum never ever believed Sarah would be capable of that and had always dismissed what I had said she would do when Sonny was born.

Upto this point Sarah had just about kept my Mum on her side, my Mum really wanted things resolved between us at this stage I still think the bond was there between them.

My Mum, still holding Sonny after the no look pass, was completely stunned – “Sarah you can’t do that, he's is his Dad and we’re his family”. Sarah’s response, I don’t care Sonny’s mine and I’ll do what’s best for him – I’ve already spoken to a Solicitor”

In hindsight her speaking to a Solicitor at that stage about how she would be able to stop me seeing Sonny was in reality the beginnings of the court processes. I didn’t really now it then but it was.

As I always say, Sarah spent thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds to hire Solicitors that would help her stop me seeing Sonny.

I spent even more on Solicitors and court fees to force her to allow Sonny to have a Dad.

That is and always will be the difference.

This argument continued for about another 5 minutes before Sarah told us to leave the house and that we weren’t allowed to see Sonny again.

We left, an we didn’t – we didn’t see Sonny again for a long time. Sarah stopped all communication with us from this point on and I didn’t see her again until the day I walked into the Sheffield Courts for the first,

This was the beginning of the parental alienation for me and Sonny and the grandparental alienation for my Mum & Dad.

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